Great Erotica
by Alyssameep
Summary: The ultimate parody to Great Expectations. Written by me and some friends. Rated M because I'm paranoid.


**Great Erotica: A Parody of **_**Great Expectations**_

_**by: **_Alyssa, **Abby, **Elise, _Maggie_

Pip was a seemingly good gentlemen...when he wasn't seducing women to ease is pain over the loss of Estella because he was one of those men who constantly mourned their broken hearts as though they were shields. So, Pip decided that being a womanizer was the way to go.

** As Pip was walking around London one day, he decided to go visit Joe and Biddy. Upon reaching their home, he discovered that Joe had taken their children to London for the week, leaving Biddy alone in the house.**

Remembering that Biddy once liked him, Pip decided this would be his first womanizer victim and, thankfully for him, it wasn't hard to get Biddy to agree.

_When Pip arrived at the house, he instantly locked Biddy in a passionate embrace. His hands reached around her waist, and he feverishly pushed her against the wall. Her hands wove into his curly blonde hair, making him hold her even more tihgtly._

"Oh, Pip," moaned Biddy. "Oh Pip! You know exactly just what I want! We should go behind the curtain or door for more privacy. What if Joe comes back early?"

"Are you trying to say that this must be a secret?"

"Do you want Joe to find out and be hurt?"

** "I don't care," Pip muttered. He pushed Biddy against the wall again, pressing his lips to hers. He grasped her waist, tracing the curves of her body. Eventually, Pip began to undress Biddy, and she was left in her shirt.**

Then Pip pushed Biddy onto the bed, and Biddy began to pull Pip's shirt over his head, tracing his body with her lips. Pip, not being able to stand it anymore, ripped Biddy's shirt off and threw it to the floor.

_Biddy moved her hands down Pip's breeches and slid them down his well-toned legs. Pip stroked her breast, bringing her mouth back to his. She responded with intensity, their tounges intertwining. Their bodies were pressed so tightly together that it was difficult to remove Biddy's drawers._

"I can't...get the damn things off!" yelled Pip. "They're tight...like they're superglued!" He struggled for a few more minutes. "Biddy, what kind of drawers are these?"

** "The're very special drawers," she replied.**

** "Well how do I get them off?" he asked impatiently.**

** "You have to bite them off."**

_"That sounds fun," Pip said._

Pip, happy to oblige, took his head down to Biddy's drawers and pulled them down her legs using his teeth. 

"I'm glad I bought these," Biddy moaned.

"They're fun for me and you," said Pip, sighing in pleasure. Before they could make love and merge as one, Pip heard the front door open.

** "Oh shit!" Pip gasped.**

** "What do we do?" Biddy whispered.**

** "I'm hiding in the closet," said Pip, getting up and going there. "I don't really care what you do."**

"Bastard," Biddy muttered, running into the bathroom and jumping in the bathtub.

"Biddy? Where are you?" Joe asked.

_ "In here, honey, come in but don't bring the children."_

_ "Oh...kay..." And Joe walked, finding Biddy naked which made his body tremor with desire._

Biddy noticed this. Her heart fluttered, and she remembered why she loved Joe so much. It was then she decided to tell Pip they could be no more. Pip, however, had other intentions.

**Pip waited until they were asleep. He crept over to Biddy, put a hand over her mouth, and dragged her out to the marshes. Luckily for him, Joe was a heavy sleeper.**

By this time Biddy was having conflicting emotions. She loved Joe for his personality because Pip was a bastard, but she also loved what Pip could give her.

_ "Can we just walk, Pip?" Biddy asked._

Pip shook his head. "We can never just walk, Biddy. This isn't a fairytale."

** "Then what is this, Pip?" Biddy yelled. "Because I still love Joe and I need a reason to stay with you!"**

"If you can't give me what I want then I'm going to leave you and never come back," Pip said, irritated.

_ "Dance with me," Biddy asked. "Please?"_

Glaring at her, Pip spat at her feet and said, "Tell Joe that's what you want. I'll be back tomorrow for what I want."

**Pip stalked off into the mist, leaving Biddy in the dark. Biddy ran home, scared of what Pip was going to do to her.**


End file.
